Today's featured article
A cult that has been waiting for an end to civilisation as we know it has finally left the cave they had barricaded themselves into. For almost five months a group of 28 cult members had attempted to seal themselves off from the world by going to live in a cave and blocking the cave entrance with debris and human excrement. The cult came from somewhere in Russia that no-one really cares about and managed to find a cave that was conveniently no more that ten minutes driving from the all of the cult members' houses. The cult leader, Pyotr Kuznetsov, despite the nearing apocalypse, found many opportunities to talk to the press and averaged about 3 interviews a day (in between visits to psychiatric hospitals after an order from the local court).
Said Pyotr Kuznetsov:
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| Originally God led us into the cave to await his merciful, gentle destruction of our entire world, including every single living organism. He said that in five months he would give us a sign, so naturally we did his bidding and packed our Nike trainers, because you've got to Just Do It®, thanks, nice doing business with you, and headed to the nearest cave. I set our finest minds on sealing up the entrance. The rocks and general debris were easy to fit into place, but the cement that we used took a lot of sweat, pride, passion and effort to create. I can happily say that I produced 4.8kg of that natural cement!
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Yesterday's featured article
CITY, State - Today Washed Up 70's Rock Band announced that they would be launching their Forgotten Band Comeback Tour to promote their new CD, Last Chance to Make Money Before We Die. They will be touring many major cities across Large Country, ending the Forgotten Band Comeback Tour with a performance at Large Corporate Sponsor Dome in the heart of City. Last Chance to Make Money Before We Die is expected to hit stores Month.
Many fans are very excited for the new album. "I really liked a lot of the stuff on Album, but I was less impressed with Second Album. Another Album was better, but I kind of thought Producer was trying too hard. Live Album was almost as good as Album," says Loyal Fan, "Of course there was the embarrassment of their foray into "urban sounds" on Ill-Advised Album, but even that wasn't as bad as Embarrassing Post-Rehab Mistake. I have high hopes for Last Chance to Make Money, though." Others, however, are not enthusiastic for the release. "Washed Up 70's Rock Band completely sold out," said Unhappy Fan, "I liked them better when nobody else liked them. But now that they're all well known, and have Gigantic Guitar Company by their side, it's just not the same." (more...)
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Did you know...
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- ... that every time you stifle a sneeze, the force of the sneeze cannot simply disappear from existence? It must manifest elsewhere, often causing a small creature to explode or a chef’s hat to fly off into the air!
- ...that the British Upper Class is not just a class - they are in fact a distinct species?
- ...that questions end in question marks? Not with periods. Or exclamation points!
- ...that some species of turtle are remarkably resistant to centrifugal force, and can reach upwards of 5000 rpm before their wee little flippers fall off?
- ...that the slate industry in Wales originated in Roman times, when the Romans decided that they were tired of just publicly flogging Welsh people and decided to instead have them dig huge rocks out of the ground?
- ...that your husband isn't really taking tennis classes every Sunday?
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In the news
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- Washed Up 70's Rock Band announces new album, Last Chance to Make Money Before We Die; plans to tour Country.
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On this day...
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